I got called a robot yesterday…told I was not humane. You see, I’m a pretty black and white person…if you give me directions or a guideline I work within that guideline. I don’t believe you give in to people because they yell loudly…in fact, if they yell loudly then I believe you should never give in to them. You will get much more from me with a sweet respectful demeanor than you will from pushing yourself around and acting like you are nine.
I don’t know why this guy got me so upset yesterday. Like everyone, I like to be liked, but really in all actuality I couldn’t care less if this guy liked me. I did feel like I let my bosses down since they were the ones who overturned my decision and threw me under the bus so to speak…but in all actuality I’m not really working for them either. I work for Jesus. He has asked me at this point in my life to serve Him by working at Texwipe and so I do…I don’t like it. I would much rather be at home, cooking, sewing, crocheting, learning more about God and His Word, volunteering in my church, making my grandkids things…but He’s asked me to be the major breadwinner right now and my husband has worked so hard for so many years doing that…I need to do what I can at this stage in my life to help out. I find I have to work on my attitude every day…I talk myself through the day…”you can do this”…”one step at a time” …. “it’s only for a season.” You know the drill. “You can do anything for a season…as long as you know there will be an end someday.” My husband has told my kids that for years…while they were in college…complaining…you can do it…it’s not forever.
I think it’s the meanness of humanity that gets me. I’ve been pretty sheltered over the years. I’ve seen meanness…all you have to do is read my other blogs and you know that…but I never understand it. My mom taught me that if I couldn’t say anything nice to not say anything at all. I’m quiet a lot! As a matter of fact I put up with things for a very long time…others tell me too long…but when I do try to straighten things out…that’s when I get in trouble. “Hurting people hurt people” only goes so far. Can I pray for this guy? Yes…but my first reaction is to just hunker down and work hard and keep my head down. I keep wondering what I say to him the next time he calls or writes…”Sorry, bud, I’m too much of a robot…guess you’ll have to call someone else who has a brain.” Maybe I should sing the scarecrow song from the wizard of oz…”If I only had a brain…” lol I do, though. I have a brain…and that’s why I didn’t give in to this man. He pushes and shoves and thinks he deserves special treatment…and I’m too much of a mom to let him get away with that. I want to slap his hand and say, “Now, sweetie, go to your room and think about how badly you’ve behaved today….and don’t come out until you can play nice.” Why is it that there are men and women who act like they are nine and never seem to grow up and become adults? Why are there people who never mature enough to think of someone besides themselves? I am well aware of the sinful depravity of man…and I shouldn’t be surprised by it in this world….that’s why God had to send Jesus into this world…I guess I just don’t want to be reminded.
I’m tired of the mentality that “You always do this except…” Why can’t life be more of “You always do this.” I’m not beyond the exceptions; but when you tell me one thing…don’t go back on it. When you say we’re a team then act like a team. When you say we always do things this way then ALWAYS do things that way…don’t make exceptions for the loudest brat out there…don’t make exceptions because someone is pushing their way around…and then not make an exception for the nice guy. You’ve just created your monster. So I guess he’s right in a way…I’m a robot. I’m robotic in my ability or inability to work with difficult people. He’s the EGR customer…”Extra Grace Required”…you’d think I’d be an expert at dealing with those people after so many years in churches…but I’m not. I’m the compliant child…the one who does right because she doesn’t want to make waves…. I’ve never understood the rebellious child. I still don’t understand the rebellious adult…the one who is told something at work and decides not to do it or to do it in spite of what they are told. I don’t go there…if someone tells me to initial every time I do something, I feel guilt if I forget. lol If I get in trouble for doing what I was told, it sends me in a tailspin…I’m not one for language…but in this case…if you are “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” then what’s the point?
I’m not sure this “soapbox” episode has really sharpened my point this morning as I get ready for work. I dread it. It’s a good part of my life right now…so to dread a good part of your life…is that all there is to look forward to? Uh oh…we’re getting back to the Ecclesiastes post. lol I guess this is just a reminder that we are broken people in a broken world. I don’t like it. I don’t have to like it. But I have to live in it….I just wish I could get beyond just “living” and “thrive” in it.
“Great wickedness…only evil…no one who understands…worthless…open graves…deceit…poison…cursing and bitterness…swift to shed blood…ruin and misery….no fear of God…subjected to frustration…bondage to decay…groaning…struggle…this dark world…evil. Perhaps you are so familiar with these verses that it is difficult to see their unflinching realism. But each of these passages is honest about what you and I will encounter as we live in a world that is not operating as it was designed to operate.” Broken Down House – Paul David Tripp