I find myself more and more in the quiet…by myself. I remember years longing for quiet and now I long for the chaos of little feet pattering across the floors, for sibling rivalry that was innocent and noisy and pleading for a mother’s intervention on their behalf. Now too often I sit waiting for the phone to ring or the Skype to beep or a text to come to let me know someone is thinking about me. I feel vulnerable. I feel lost.
I’m finding that this echo in my soul isn’t all bad. It reminds me of my humanity…of the void left when life goes on without thought of Who created and purposed the life. It is the loud silence of re-purposing and re-making life without the ones you’ve poured your life into. Why did you do it? For them or for Him? If for Him, then that part closes and more comes out of the nothingness left behind…is there hope for the future…a new future? Is this all there is? One day closing upon another day of work for the world’s goods and purposes? Is this all He desires? My soul wrestles with a thousand questions like these every day…in the midst of the mayhem of life without your heart.